What happens when it goes hot???

People get downright nasty, that's what. I'm no exception, I've been in a really pissy cranky mood all week in Heavensville's unrelenting heat.

So instead of blogging about my favorite things, or some such stupid nonsense, your normally Miss Merry Sunshine is going to blog about the things that really frost my cake!!!!

Here are Jan's major bitches...

Guys who are outside with their shirts off (construction workers excluded). There is NOTHING worse than seeing some blubbery old geezer prancing around his yard naked to his waist. Totally disgusting...

Screaming kids in a restaurant or worse, in the library. When mine were little we yanked their little butt's outside when they started acting up.

And speaking of kids, everybody knows that it just drives me wild when mother's are at a restaurant and don't put a bib on their baby. Very seldom do you see bibs anymore, and the kid is always just dropping food all over a pricey little outfit. This is just WRONG...

Nutritional information that is misleading. I get so mad when I pick up a muffin for instance, and it says 120 calories, BUT if you look closely it says per serving and there is 2 servings in that friggin' little muffin. Whoever heard of a lousy muffin being 2 servings??? Are they kidding, a muffin is a BITE for pete's sake... Grrrrrr

When people tell me how "good" I get "around". Jeez Louise, people, I have no feet, it's not the end of the world, I just get up and walk. Nobody tells a fat lady that they are amazed that she can "get around" with all that fat. Gimme a break....

Those awful lights in a dressing room. Now why do stores do that? Why do they have the most unflattering lights known to man woman??? Don't they know that soft pink lights sell more clothes. And what about those hot dressing rooms? Like it's 125 sweltering degrees and who wants to sweat in a dressing room. Kick down the thermostat and you might sell more clothes. DUH.....

When you go do the doctor or the dentist and they tell you that their "procedure" might be a little "uncomfortable." UNCOMFORTABLE, HELL. their stupid "procedures" leave you with mind boggling, blinding uncontrollable pain. Easy for them to say....

People who make nasty little comments because I kiss my dogs. My dogs are my family, of course I kiss them. I also blow on their little bellies, dance them around the kitchen, and sing to them. So I'm a crazy old lady. SO WHAT!!!!!! Like I'm going to be kissing the people that are making those comments... I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snotty little salesclerks in pricey boutiques. Cmon people, you're making what, oh maybe $10 an hour... I'm SO in awe of you!!! Get real....

Waiters with an attitude, usually men. HELLO, am I going to give you a good tip when you are being an absolute asshole?????? And how much does your little job pay an hour without those tips???? Jeez, it's not rocket science........................

Oh, and women that are maybe a size six dripping wet, asking you if you think they look fat. FAT, AT SIZE SIX... OH-PUHLEEZ........

Well now that I'm all stirred up, I could continue this all afternoon, but I won't. I'm going to go take a shower now and go out into this wonderful 95 degree weather.

But hey, feel free to post any comments about what really bugs YOU. This is a lot more fun than doing ten questions about my favorite movie, tv show, yadayadayada...

OMG....

It's 103 right now in Heavensville, dunno what heat index is. I was out and about, it was so hot I thought I was just gonna roast. I was pulling off clothes as I came in the door.

Check out our 15 day forecast. I don't believe this....

Weatherman said yesterday it was hottest day, I'm sure today topped it. Leapin' lizards it is just HORRID!!!! No walking for me, no way am I gonna walk in this heat...

We aren't the only ones aging...

V sent me this link to a slide show about how celebs are aging. It's great - check it out HERE!

Could this be our next First Lady?

They say Fred Thompson's wife is keeping a low profile. Ummmmm, okay...

Nonono, I'm not getting political on you, well I am a Hillary fan, but we won't go into that one, it's not her I like, but Bill. **SHOCK** Sorry gang, I just happen to think he's totally charismatic, despite his many decadent trysts...

Anyhoo, I won't make a habit of this, just had no idea of what his wife looked like 'til I oogled Googled her.

Am I the only one???

Who can't open ANYTHING??? I can't open my newest summer find, that yummy Fuze Slenderize drink. I twist and turn the cap, rap on it with a knife handle and will it open, NO!!!!! Jars are impossible, but Ryan and Lindsay bought me an electric jar opener, which works great, but unfortunately hubby keeps taking it off the counter in the garage and putting it on a shelf.

And ya know those little foil thingies on the tops of bottles to seal them. They never come off. NEVER!!!! I end up poking them with a knife and then they squirt crooked and soak me.

Sometimes my Diet Coke tabs fall into the can. And wine??? OMG, forget that. I always have the cork swimming in the wine and have to strain the damned stuff...

But I do wonder why hubby never has these problems. EVER!!! He patiently takes what I'm trying to open and smoothly executes it. *sigh*

I think my problems with this started as a child. I remember being at the Queen's Grill in Carmi, eating my favorite cheeseburger basket, and at that time ketchup came in those little oblong pods with foil on top. Well, somehow I managed to squirt ketchup on the headliner of Mother's car. They say everything is rooted in childhood, and I can definitely pinpoint the beginning of this affliction.

I don't even TRY and put the M&M's flea meds on them, I would pour the whole dose in the wrong spot. There is just no answer for my problem, either. Even when I slow down, I still can't make things operate like they should..

I had a fiasco with my mascara wand last week that I won't even blog about.

And so here I sit, with this stupid virus, feeling pretty much, as Ang likes to say, like "dog shit." I'm sleeping my days away, but it's so darned hot I wouldn't be doing anything outside anyway. I walked 2/3 of a mile this morning, and was so weak I had to quit. And we have another week of this 95 degree + heat forecasted for Heavensville Hellville...

I'm outta here, gonna do SOMETHING, maybe I'll drown my sorrows in watermelon. Then I'll be up all night going potty...

Jan here, signing out, pretty much in a suxy mood...

Those were the days...

Remember when you were a kid and played out in the heat. I can remember riding my bike, the sweat just pouring down my face. I was dusty and dirty, but I just kept on going.

I walked this morning at 8am. Thought I was going to just lay down and die right there on the track. O-M-G it was hot and it wasn't even mid-morning. I need to run errands, I'm putting it off. I just don't handle hot at all now that I'm on the wrong side of fifty-five...

I guess I've gotten soft in my old age. I'm sitting here with the AC cranked, the ceiling fan whirring and I'm complaining...

I just need to step back and count my blessings. It was a hard life in the country in the 50's. I don't think we even had a fan when I was a little girl. I can remember visiting my aunt and uncle, and I was just awestruck by the round ottoman style fan in their living room. I thought it was the greatest thing.

Mother cooked a lot in her electric skillet on hot summer days. Probably to try and keep the house cooler. We drank huge amounts of iced tea and ate a lot of Blue Bell Bologna ($.59 cents a pound from Marlin's Department Store.) Oh that bologna was wonderful... Full of garlic, wrapped in white paper and tied with a string, eaten on white gummy bread smeared with Miracle Whip and slices of fresh tomatoes and onions. What a feast that was... See, it was all about food, even then...

*sigh* Blue Bell Bologna is long gone now, I guess I could get some Oscar Mayer Fat Free Bologna and eat it on high fiber bread... Jeez Louise, what the hell am I thinking??? It wouldn't be the same at all.

Wonder what the dumpster thinks about this???

I just saw on television tonight that 58 year old Ivana Trump is engaged to a 35 year old hottie. Oh, I was laughing so hard. I bet old Donald Dumpster is having fits about this!!!!!

You go Ivana, I just love it when an old broad scores!!!! Even if her boytoy is bought and paid for....

Oh, I bet that old fool ex-husband with his horrid combover is having a conniption fit about now....

Serves him right for dumping her for that vaporhead Marla Maples back in the 90's...

Jan, doin' the happy dance.....

Those lazy days of summer...

I haven't been around much, it's hot, I've been watching movies and reading. Today I watched Miss Potter, a magical movie about Beatrix Potter, starring Rene Zellweger.

Yesterday, I read The Painted Veil, it was wonderful as well.

And so it goes. It was a busy weekend in Heavensville, the kids were all home, they rented a pontoon and we all spent Saturday afternoon cruising to Newburgh on the river. Went to The Log Inn for dinner Friday night, an old favorite revisited...

I'm pretty mellow, pretty boring, no funny stories, even the M&M's are in a docile mood, must be the heat...

I'm outta here, going to crack open yet another book and read. Maybe I'll even make myself a lemonade shakeup. Ahhhhh, now that's living!!!

You have to see this...

Click on this video of Art Linkletter. He's 95 years old today, and has been married to his wife for 72 years. The old guy doesn't look a day over 80!!!!! Simply amazing...

I was in a really a mood this morning...

Grumpy is the only way to describe my early morning. That dreaded scale didn't budge, and why do I get on it every day anyway??? LC was full of piss and vinegar , he's off for four days, and I was just being a grouch. I wasn't going to walk, I was just going to sit around and be in a bad mood, but at his urging, actually, I got off my duff and went to the track.

OMG, I'm charged now. Energized, feel good, plugged in my earphones, listened to some tunes, stretched out the muscles and I'm a new woman. There really is something to exercise and endorphines. Ang has been drilling it in my head for how long now??? And Linds, And T... Maybe it's finally kicking in and I'm starting to believe them.

So, if you find yourself being Oscar the Grouch, put on the walking shoes and see if YOUR mood improves....

I like to think that the M&M's would be this protective...

Zoey is a Chihuahua, but when a rattlesnake lunged at her owners' 1-year-old grandson, she was a real bulldog.

Booker West was splashing his hands in a birdbath in his grandparents' northern Colorado back yard when the snake slithered up to the toddler, rattled and struck. Five-pound Zoey jumped in the way and took the bites.

"She got in between Booker and the snake, and that's when I heard her yipe," said Monty Long, the boy's grandfather.

The dog required treatment and for a time it appeared she might not survive. Now she prances about.

"These little bitty dogs, they just don't really get credit," Booker's grandma Denise Long told the Loveland Daily Reporter-Herald.

This just isn't right....

I just read where Drew Carey will be taking over for Bob Barker on The Price is Right. DREW CAREY???? HOSTING THE PRICE IS RIGHT???? Egads, this is so wrong. What happened to George Hamilton, he was in the running? At least he was smooth. Drew Carey is a blubber boy. Well, I just won't be tuning in. Not that I tuned in anyway. But The Price is Right is an institution.

"Have your pet spayed or neutered," Bob said every day. What will Drew say? Meet you down at Burger King for a Whopper? Wrong, wrong, wrong....

It's a beautiful mornin', Ahhh,
I think I'll go outside a while,
An jus' smile.

It's 60 degrees this morning in Heavensville, no humidity, absolutely gawjus weather. I can see the early sun filtering down on my flowers on the patio. Oh, it's those simple things that get me every time.

Don't you just love early mornings when the world is still? Ry and Linds are home for the weekend, still snoozing, The M&M's had an early breakfast and are asleep in their beds beside me in the sunroom, hubby is off to a rummage sale, and I just "am."

Life will be hectic soon, everybody up for an early morning walk (we walked a mile and a half yesterday.) Who knows, maybe we'll do two miles this morning. My body is responding to all this exercise, my stride is more limber, my muscles loose.

It's perfect at Burdette Park in the mornings. The honkers and the quackers walk the track with the people. They are so gentle, they just amble across in front of you in no hurry to move along. The turtles hide on limbs in the water, hidden by the waterlilies, and the fish splash in the pond.

Mother Nature at her finest... It's a beautiful thing...

Now if I could just go to the Donut Bank for a warm glazed donut and a cuppa life WOULD be perfect. *sigh* Eating healthy sux sometimes...

Hubby and I had breakfast El Fresco

Doesn't that sound special? Doesn't it make you think of outdoor cafes, tables with umbrellas, and fleurs in abundance. Well, we could have done that on the patio but....

Our dining 'el fresco" this morning consisted of two fried egg sandwiches (actually egg white sandwich for me) consumed while tooling around on Milly.

Hey, it worked for us......

Little Monkey...

I haven't posted anything about the M&M's lately. In fact, I haven't posted at all lately and you all are probably getting pretty sick of looking at Queen Elizabeth.

Munchie doesn't have too many antics these days, mostly she just sits around and watches Maggie get in trouble...

Maggie is my little imp, she's like a naughty two year old. LC and I were both gone this morning, he at the foot Dr.'s, but thats a whole other blog, me walking at the track. TOOTS FOR JAN!!!! I WALKED TWO MILES THIS MORNING!!!

So anyway, I come home and Maggie has pulled mouthfuls of my dried hydrangeas from a basket I sit under a desk in the living room, and has them scattered EVERYWHERE. Of course, she has them all over her fur, and Munchie is sitting quietly, like "don't look at me, I didn't do ANYTHING."

I said, "Margaret MooLatte, what have you done???" And does she cower down, does she look remorseful??? Are you kidding, she flips her little butt up in the air, twists around and prances out of the room as if to say, "You aren't the boss of me!!!!" And what do I do, I laugh...

Oh, it was SO funny. I'm such a sucker, I just can't yell at her, when she is so darned cute.

Later, LC comes home and says, boy, I need to run the vacuum. *giggle*

And I talked to my buddy, V, this afternoon and told her that I hope she has hydrangeas this summer, it looks like I'm going to need a new supply, since she is the one who gave them to me in the first place.

And that's it from our house, this rainy Tuesday in Heavensville...

Amazing pix...

Annie Leibovitz makes Queen Elizabeth look amazing. Wonder what she could do for me, since I deleted each and every one of my Mother's Day pix. I can't tell you how bad they were. Oh, they were just horrid.

And what's really sad is if I would have kept them, five years from now I would look at them and think, "hmmmm, they weren't that bad."

Old age sux!

A smile for you...

Hooterville sent me this Zen wisdom this morning, I thought you might all enjoy it. My fave is #22 - so funny, so true.... and #19 probably explains why I'm not so bright.....

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if
you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.


17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a
light side and a dark side, and it holds the
universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with
women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

I'm such a sucker for a good love song...

When we were at the movie's last week, this song was playing before the show started, during the commercial thingies.

I came home and found it on YouTube, and thought you all might like to watch the video. It's one of my very fave artists, Willie Nelson, yep, I've been a Willie fan for years, and he's singing with Shawn King, Larry King's wife, who surprisingly, has a good voice. Oh, I love the orange bustier type top she has on, too. The woman isn't young either, 47, I think. She looks amazing.

So give it a watch, it's called I Give, and it's a goodie - Click here -

Watch it all the way to the end, she gives him a kiss, oh he's SO cute!!!!

Blecht, did you ever chew a vitamin???

I swear, if I ONLY had a brain, or eyesight my life would be a lot easier. I was in the drug aisle today at the supermarket, buying some calcium, I usually buy those caramel Viactiv thingies, but I spied something new, Viactiv Flavor Glides Berry Flavored Chews. I'm always up for something new to try, so I scooped those puppies up, came home, popped the bottle, opened them, took one out and chewed it.

I CHEWED IT, OMG, I CHEWED A VITAMIN. EEEEEEKKKKKS, it wasn't a chewie thing at all, it was a VITAMIN!!!! Did you ever bite into a vitamin? Not something you want to do, trust me. The berry coating was just to make it slide down your throat easier. Oh it was so bad, I can't tell you how bad it tasted....

I have GOT to start wearing my glasses!!!!!!

Whooeeeee, it's HOT, Don!!!!!

You wouldn't have wanted to walk a mile in my shoes this morning, ladies. Egads, I walked a mile at the track at 8am and it was HOT!!!! I don't feel invigorated, I just feel drained! Then I went online and read that you only burn 100 calories when you walk a mile. Well isn't that just depressing! SURELY I burn more than 100 calories, since it takes so much more energy for me to walk than all of you. I just keep thinking, walk a mile, eat a 100 calorie snack pack and you've offset it. Grrrrrrr...

On a happier note, LC and I had date DAY yesterday. Sweet hubby took me to Panera for lunch, then shopping, then to a late matinee, then to dinner. It was such a good time... And we FINALLY saw a good movie, Live Free or Die Hard, “Yippie Ki Yay” it was really exciting. Sure, it was a bit far fetched, but it was really a great flick. Ry and Linds saw it too, Lindsay said it was a "fun" movie. Right on, Dilly, it really was.

Ozone alert today in Heavensville, it's hot, it's humid, it's July. I'm outta here, gotta give a dog(s) a bath...

I knew there was a reason...

Trisher said tonight the reason that we can't remember anything is because are brains are full. We have gathered so much knowledge over the years that there isn't room for any more and that's why we can't remember anything.

Makes sense to me...

Cutey Patootie...

The weather has just been gawjus this week in Heavensville, so hubby and I packed up Maggie Moo and headed out to the park last night for a picnic.

I took her leash, but the grass was covered in duck doo-doo, so letting her on the grass wasn't an option, and just leaving her on the picnic table to fall thru the cracks wasn't such a good idea, so I just plopped her in the empty picnic basket, where she sat all evening. She eventually scratched the bottom of it, made herself a little bed and went to sleep. How cute is this, girlfriends???? Doesn't it just tug at the heartstrings?

And how did the picnic go, well let's just say we had a "few" issues. Namely the little Smokey Joe grill did not play happy with LC and the charcoal. It took for-ever, we were trying to grill brats and chicken and later we grilled pork chops to bring home, the grill wasn't hot enough, but we eventually got it going... And yep, it was really yummy.... Fresh green beans, corn on the cob, sliced tomatoes, cucumbers and onions, lc had a packet of potatoes/onions/peppers, and I had a packet of zucchini, brownies for dessert.

It was a good thing...

I was just thinking this morning....

When i was out for a morning ride on Milly, sipping my coffee, enjoying the cool 70+ weather, feeling the wind on my face, listening to the country sounds, the birds, crickets, cicadas and the frogs, how my life has come full circle. And I'm really grateful that I was raised in such a simple country way, I think I appreciate nature more than if I would have been raised in the city.

It was so peaceful, it was, well delightful is what it was. And life is good, this first Monday in July, the 3rd anniversary of my oldest son's marriage. Happy Anniversary John and Tonia, I hope your day is as good as mine....

Ok I gotta jump right in here with my take on the Paris/Larry King interview...

There is an old, old saying - "dumber than a box of rocks" - well, that was my take on Miz Hilton last night. She was a zombie, she didn't talk in depth about anything, her speech wasn't articulate, she showed no passion about her so called new "causes" and when LK pressed her on her favorite bible verse she drew a complete blank.

And she said she has never done drugs? Oh puh-leez, there are pix all over the internet of her smoking a joint. Her response to that is that she likes to roll her own cigarettes. ROLL HER OWN CIGARETTES??? Oh, I'm laughing out loud at that one, girlfriends.

It was a total waste of an hour last night, but of course I just HAD to watch it. LC was smart, he gave it ten minutes and watched something else.

It was as much of a waste of time as when Geraldo was going to find Jimmy Hoffa's body on national tv back in the 80's. Anybody remember THAT fiasco?

I just read online that Liz Claiborne died today at the age of 78. Oh my, how I loved her clothes in the 80's. Her sportswear line was wonderful, and all of my "old" friends know, I was totally besotted with anything she made in Liz Yellow. That bright, yellow color was my favorite, and still is. Bright yellows are my happy clothes. I always feel good in yellow.

She retired in 1989 and sadly her clothing line went downhill. But she was really something in her day. *sigh* Those WERE the days.....

Had to share...

Hooterville sent me the following vintage ad in an email. Just had to show you all. Too funny for words.....

Remember this???

Old Clairol ad from the 60's - "Does she or doesn't she, only her hairdresser knows for sure." Oh, those were the days, women actually didn't admit to coloring their hair. Like you couldn't tell, because when it came to color, the only shade of blonde was beige and the only shade of gray was blue. And like who has beige or blue hair????

What brought this on.... I was looking at the mirror, the edges around my hairline look positively white, and I often wonder what it would look like grey. I just don't have the guts to do it yet. I remember Mother, she was like in her late 70's, and I finally said to her, "Ma, you're old now, give up the color." And she did, and it looked so pretty, that silvery gray color.

Maybe someday I'll do it... When I get old older...

Ok, I owed him for all the chick flix he watches with me...

But oh, did we see a horrid movie tonight. Saturday night, LC wasn't working, I wanted a date night at the flix, but there was nothing on that I wanted to see, except for A Mighty Heart, and hubby didn't want to see it because he thought it would be depressing, however at the $2.00 $3.00 movie they were showing Wild Hogs.

He thought it would be funny, I thought it would be awful, because I had read the reviews. I was right, it was just the most STUPID movie ev-er. It was really el stinko,, but he enjoyed it, got his popcorn fix, and aferwards I got my moonlight drive by the river....

I spent the day working up a new blog header. Ran it by Hooterville, she hates watermelons so she was no help, but I like it. It's summery....

And that's it for a late Saturday night in Heavensville. Do I just go to bed, or do I crack open that watermelon in the fridge... *grin*

Nah, get real Jan, I have an old lady bladder now. I will be up peeing all night if I eat watermelon this late.

Getting old REALLY sux...

The summers of my childhood....

Why am I reminiscing so much this year? Who knows, but I am having so many flashbacks of my childhood summers. Not the turbulent teen years, but the early times, when life was simple and easy and my age was still in the single digits.

I take Milly a lot of mornings and ride down to this soon to be cul-de-sac that is right now just a dirt road bordered by trees. I sit and enjoy the quiet, the summer wind, the rustle of the trees and the singing birds.

And I remember...

The wheat fields that surrounded our house, and how they glistened golden in the summer sun, and the dusty smell of the field after the wheat was harvested.

The sound of the screen door banging, as I ran outdoors, usually barefooted to play under a tree with various kittens and puppies that were always underfoot. I would dress the kittens in doll clothes and push them around in my doll stroller, and they would let me.

The smell of the freshly dried towels as I gathered them from the line and climbing into bed in my newly laundered cotton baby doll pajamas, and inhaling the summer scent still clinging to the pillowcases.

Mother's gooseberry bushes, and how she always made gooseberry pie with green berries and how much I didn't like them. And eating a bowl full of freshly picked strawberries, in that great stainless bowl that I use daily in my kitchen, now.

Sitting on the grass under a tree, watching her work in the garden, looking for four-leafed clovers, which, by the way, I NEVER found. Not one, not ever, and I searched for years.

Icy pitchers of freshly brewed sweet tea, with slices of oranges just the way I liked it. And climbing the cherry trees in the back yard, eating fistfuls of those tart little pie cherries, and not being able to get out of the tree because I frequently got stuck.

And I remember the trains. Oh, how I loved those trains. We lived in a valley and there was a train track probably a half a mile away. I would sit in the porch swing and listen to the whistle and wonder what faraway places the train went to. I would watch it wind and twist thru the trees until I couldn't see it anymore and then I would patiently wait for the next one and do the same thing over again.

We had that great creek next to our house and I would climb down under the bridge that crossed it, and sit in the coolness of the concrete pilings when the days were hot and muggy. There were probably snakes and spiders galore, but somehow I don't remember those, just the coolness that enveloped me on a hot summers day.

I can still hear that screen door banging, still remember exactly how it sounded, and still remember Mother yelling at me, "Janice, don't slam that door!" It didn't help, I always slammed it, and would today if I had a screen door. I miss having one.

It's those simple things, girlfriends, tugging at those heartstrings...

Well this is just the best thing I ever put in my mouth....

You all know how excited I get about food. I've got a new find for you, too good not to pass on.

It's Kraft Light Asian Toasted Sesame Dressing. Nectar of the Gods, girlfriends. You have to try this. I had it for lunch tossed with coleslaw, it was a dead ringer for Ramen Coleslaw, minus the noodles.

All this indulgence for 60 calories/2 TBS. Try it, you'll thank me, hands down best salad dressing I've ever tasted!

Nothing better....

Hubby and I were out shopping today. I was hot, tired, came home, loaded with packages, open the door and two furry little bodies are just launching themselves at me.

I sat down my packages, went to the couch, and just enjoyed the moment with them climbing all over me, barking and covering me with doggie kisses. Oh, what would the world be like without our dogs... I hope there is never a time that I don't have a dog.

They are such a joy to me, SUCH A JOY!!!!!!

Summer finds....

Okay, I buy into the marketing hype, you all know I do, but I just had to try the new Stress Relieving Body Lotion and Body Wash from Johnson & Johnson. It said almost all women who tried it felt less stress. Well, duh, don't we all feel less stress after bathing?

But nonetheless, I loaded up my cart with the stuff, came home, took it for a spin. Well, it does smell mah-velous, dahling, but I doubt seriously if it relieves any stress. It has a baby powder scent, touched with lavender, very soothing, I went to bed last night smelling absolutely glorious.

And last weekend in Nashville, I hit up the MAC counter, purchased their bronzing blush and bronze eyeshadow. It's a keeper, but got home and read in People Magazine's Off The Rack site about Hot Mama Blush. Well, it's just the cutest packaging, and I had to have it for the name alone. I'm trying the concealer, too, I'll let you know if I look like one hot mama post menopausal honey with it on.... I ordered both from the Sephora site - you can read about it here! And if I don't like the Hot Mama, I think I'll try the NARS Orgasm blush next time. Ohhhhh, racy......

We were off to the movies...

LC couldn't wait for Oceans 13 to open. John and Tonia saw it last weekend, John loved it, we saw it last night, LC loved it. Me, not so much. Let's face it, this whole series of movies are guy flicks. The one token female last night was Ellen Barkin, and she isn't lookin' so hot these days. She's old now, she needs to hang up the sexy look, it just ain't workin' no more....

Lordy is that woman skinny. Basically she is a bone with obvious implants and a good haircut. As for Pitt and Clooney, they are showing their age, too. Clooney doesn't look particularly healthy, he's pretty skinny, dark circles under his eyes, just doesn't look like he's glowing with vitality. And even Brad Pitt is getting a bit of a saggy chin and crows feet.

So there you have it, one dull evening at the movies. No great clothes, no fun kitchens to look at, no good acting. Just wasn't my cuppa tea....

You have to check this out...

Cousin Pam sent me the following video clip. You won't believe this old woman, I'm telling you this is awesome. The clip is a few years old, Linda Dano has an 80's hairdo and heavy shoulder pads, so the lady in the video is probably no longer with us, but holy batman and robin is this old lady limber....

We all need to be doing whatever it was that she was doing to be this agile at her advanced age...

Check this out!!!

Let's get serious for a minute....

Hubby and I just spent the last few days in Nashville with John and Tonia. Ryan and Lindsay joined us on Friday night, and we were discussing various subjects and last week's kidnapping and subsequent murder of the young woman abducted in broad daylight from the Target parking lot came up.

I asked both Linds and Tonia what they would do if it happened to them. Tonia wasn't sure, Lindsay, however, had watched an Oprah segment on just that very thing and they told on her show to drop to the ground, start screaming and kicking at his ankles and knees.

That makes sense to me, even if you are at knifepoint or gunpoint, you will have a much better chance of surviving if you make major noise in a public place, because the abductor won't want to call attention to himself.

If he succeeds in getting you into the car, your chances for survival aren't so good.

So that's my topic for this Sunday afternoon. It could happen to any of us, hopefully nobody will ever have to think quickly in a situation like this, but at least maybe this will make you think about what you would do in the unlikely event that it happened to you...

I have better things to talk about than Paris Hilton

Holy Schmoly, aren't we all sick of hearing about this whining, pampered princess. Get your skanky ass back to jail, put on your prison issued big girl panties and do the time....

And, now to more important things... I have to tell you how much I'm enjoying Boca All American Grillers, and how after having one for lunch, I'm not hungry 'til dinner. Well, after talking with my buddy V this morning, I checked the box, those suckers have 14 grams of protein in them, I add a piece of fat free cheese for another 5 grams, eat it on a Healthy Life Bun and I'm good til dinner. No wonder, that's a total of 19 grams of protein! If you are weight watcher, the burgers are only 1 point, 1 point for the bun .5 for the cheese, for a total of 2.5 points. Simply amazing...

I've eaten Boca Burgers, usually the original, for years now, and never really liked them. Now I know why, it's because I never took the time to fry them in a skillet. I always slapped them in the wave, and it steamed them, and they were pretty bad, but now I take the time to spray each side of them with Pam, then sprinkle Tony Chachiare's Creole Seasoning on both sides, and slap them in the skillet instead of the microwave - it takes 7 or 8 minutes, but they crisp nicely on both sides, and they are actually good.

So give them a try, if you are trying to eat healthy, these things rock!!!!

Best movie of the summer, say the critics....

They've been advertising Knocked Up as the best movie of the summer. Great date movie, Yahoo critics gave it an A-, Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 92%. Well, count me in, gotta check that out. LC was in a movie mood, he kept suggesting we go, so last night we were off to the flicks.

As we pulled in the parking lot he said he had really been looking forward to seeing Oceans 13. "Oceans 13," I said, "we aren't seeing that, it isn't on until next week." Talk about miscommunication, and naturally he wasn't too excited about seeing this movie since he was all ready for Clooney and Pitt.

As we settled in I started noticing packs of 16 year old boys coming into the movie in droves and thought, oh-oh, something isn't right here. Well let me tell you girlfriends, that was the most HORRID, VULGAR movie I've seen in years. I HATED IT, LC HATED IT, when we got out of the movie we called Linds and Ryan because they went to see it in Lexington. THEY HATED IT. But hey, don't let me tell you what to do, if you want to see a bunch of potty mouthed losers sitting around smoking dope, go check it out...

If this is the best movie of the summer, we're in big trouble. What a waste of popcorn!!!!

Oh my.....

pro·cras·ti·nate
Pronunciation: pr&-'kras-t&-"nAt, prO-
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -nat·ed; -nat·ing
Etymology: Latin procrastinatus, past participle of procrastinare, from pro- forward + crastinus of tomorrow, from cras tomorrow
transitive verb : to put off intentionally and habitually
intransitive verb : to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done

I need to clean my closet really bad, and my jewelry is outta control. I need to go thru my jewelry drawers, and sort and organize and what do I do instead? I scoop up Mags, go for a ride on Milly, trying to scout out the family of foxes that has moved into a hole at the top of the rocks that face Trisher's condo. And did I see them? Of course not, those foxes aren't going to be out midday, but it's a good excuse not to clean that closet and organize that jewelry.

But it's SUCH a glorious day in Heavensville, 74 degrees, blue skies, no humidity. Yeah, Ma, it's easy livin' today for sure.... She so enjoyed days like this. In her heyday, she would have been right on that golf cart with me, scouting out those foxes. Good memories...

Must have summer gadgets...

Okay, you all know what a foodie I am. And what a fan of Williams-Sonoma I am. And I've mentioned these items before, but some things are just worth repeating...

A couple of years ago I treated myself to this tomato knife. Yeah, I know it's pricey, but it was $15 when I bought it, so the price hasn't gone up. It's SO worth it, I just love this knife. So much so that this year I'm going to buy the tomato slicer. You can check it out by clicking HERE...

And a few months back I talked to you about my handy-dandy vegetable chopper. This thing is a "MUST HAVE" if you're into summer salads. Cubes everything into perfect size dice, and it's SO easy. I had the older version, now I have the new and improved one, and it's an amazin' raisin for sure, girlfriends. Look at it HERE...

And finally, i've told you for years now about these great peelers that peel skin off so thinly they even work for tomatoes and peaches. This nifty gadget is HERE...

So there you have it, one stop shopping, one shipping price. Williams-Sonoma should give me a discount for all the business I drum up for them.....

Well, I should be really healthy then....

This morning on "Paul Harvey" he said that Oats, Barley and Brown Rice are the top 3 healthiest foods.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I eat so many oats, I should be TOTALLY healthy, then. Also lots of brown rice, gotta do the barley next....

Ever since I saw that horrid (except to me) Georgia Rule, and I saw Jane Fonda eating blueberries in her morning oats, I've been adding them to mine. TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! That's my goal, girlfriends, to have Jane Fonda's body by the time I'm 70!

~ Jan, laughing out loud.....

Let's continue this trek down memory lane...

It's natural to progress from soap to shampoo and hair products. I was never a Breck girl as a teenager, it didn't have enough suds for my liking. I was a Prell girl. I loved the lather, loved the smell. I always used Prell. And after shampooing, it was time to put in the hair rollers. But oh, no, I didn't use rollers, I used orange juice cans, and are you ready for this... Tampax tubes.

Yep, that's what I did. First of all I had to use some kind of setting agent to stiffen my hair so that I could tease it into heights that would give you a nosebleed. Sometimes I used a product called Dippidy Doo, but I also was a huge fan of.... JELLO!!! Oh yeah, Jello was quite the hair setting product in the 60's. You chose the color closest to your hair color, lemon for blondes, strawberry for redheads, black cherry for brunettes, and you mixed a tablespoon or so of the Jello in water. then sectioned a piece of wet hair, combed in the Jello and sat it on orange juice cans And the Tampax tubes, I put those vertically in front of my ears to make those little corkscrew curls. Talk about a look! And I actually went out in public with a scarf over my head and those orange juice cans in my hair. Well, not the Tampax tubes though, I wasn't THAT stupid...

And heaven forbid if it was a hot day and my head perspired, or I got caught in the rain, because my hair would get sticky! But I did have volume, egads did I ever have volume. I had the highest double bubble you ever saw. A double bubble was when you teased your hair really big and then the back of it had two layers - you combed that bouffant into a big bubble, attached a bow underneath it, had to have the "bow" and then you had another layer that turned under like a page boy. I probably have pictures of that look somewhere.

And twenty years from now, I will probably look back at my hair today, and wonder what I was thinking with all the choppy layers and the hair wax.

But then, twenty years from now, my hair will be blue, no lavendar, and permed! All 15-20 strands of it. *giggle*

Lordy, Lordy do I smell good....

I've had a thing about bars of soap for-ever. When I was a little girl Mother always used Dove. So did my Grandma Short, and at the time I didn't like the smell at all, but now I love it. Brings back great memories. Last year Tonia brought me like fifteen bars of it, and oh how I enjoyed unwrappping those bars and inhaling the scent. I used it in the shower and smiled at the thought that she gave it to me, and just remembered the smells of my childhood.

My Aunt Mae always used Dial, and I still remember visiting her house and washing my hands at the kitchen sink with that gold bar of Dial. I can just see the bar, attached to one of those little round rubber gripper thingies, with the foam running over the edge and down the sink.

When my teenage years rolled around Safeguard came on the market and I was in love. Oh, how I loved the smell of a fresh bar of Safeguard Soap. It's still around, but somehow either the smell isn't as strong as I remembered or my nose just doesn't pick up the scent like it used to.

LC and I got married, and it was Irish Spring time. We used that for years, along with the occasional bar of Zest. Again, it's that strong, sporty clean scent that just rings my chimes. Oh, and I can't leave out soap-on-a-rope. We always had that in the house, but did anybody ever actually use the stuff? I always just used it to decorate the bathroom with. Don't know why I had the urge to decorate my shower, but I was young and dumb...

And of course I bathed my babies in Baby Magic. STILL love that smell, it's just the best EVER.... And Johnson's Baby Powder, and lotion. Oh, the memories those smells bring...

Then entered body wash and I kind of got away from bar soap. I've used so many brands of body wash that I don't really have a favorite. It's good stuff, body wash, it's easy to use, fast, quick, but somehow it's just not the same.

This week I was at the grocery store and on an impulse I picked up a couple of bars of Coast Artic Surf Bath Soap. OMG, I'm in love with bar soap all over again. It's really strong and really fresh and soapy smelling, just totally delightful. They also make it in a body wash, but for now I'm sticking with the bars, just feels right in my hand. Know what I mean, Vern???

So here I sit, freshly showered with my Coast Artic Surf Soap, and I must tell you, I smell mah-velous, dahling....... just mah-velous......

Okay,so this isn't exactly what I had in mind, but...

it'll do in a pinch, I'm not picky, I'll take it...

Okay, I've just gotta jump in on this one...

First of all, all of you who read this blog know that I'm the most non-political person ever. It's just not my thing. I personally believe that the majority of politicans are biased, corrupt and not in office for the good of the common man but to further their own lifestyle and beliefs. Just my opinion....

And I didn't see the big fight between Rosie and Elizabeth on The View yesterday, I just saw snippets of it on the net. I was starting to form an opinion before I saw the argument in it's entirety, and of course you all know that I am NOT an Elizabeth Hasselback fan, and you all know that I AM a Rosie fan, at least I WAS until she went on that obscenity ridden rant in front of those teenagers at that prestigious luncheon a few weeks back. I thought that was totally over the top and wrong and I got off her bandwagon. And I'm not climbing back on, she's just too far out there for me. I do, however, believe she is smart, honest and extremely talented, but she's a little bit too raw for even my taste.

But today I watched that argument in it's entirety and I am now firmly convinced that stupid, ignorant little Elizabeth be-otch is not only out of control, but is so out of touch with reality that she has no idea of what really goes on in the world. You know when you are in an argument with somebody and they become very defensive and won't let anyone speak, they are usually the one that's in the wrong. That's just an observation of a 50's something woman who has been in her share of arguments over the years. And boy would she not let anybody else talk!

And one other thing that really rankles me is why, out of all the people in this wonderful USA, was she chosen to be at Queen Elizabeth's dinner at the White House and sit at a head table with Prince Phillip? What has she ever done to deserve such an honor? It just looks like she is bought and paid for, but there I go being political when I'm not, but it does bother me when there are so many, many deserving people that are so giving of themselves and would have so deserved to be a part of that honor instead of this woman child who has done nothing, in my opinion, to make this world a better place.

If you watch this rant in it's entirety, you can see Rosie trying to stay out of it, and when she does finally speak, she does it in a moderated tone, as much as she can, while Elizabeth is screaming like a banshee. Rosie is a woman that is clearly filled with pain. She is genuinely painfully hurt by this little twit, and Elizabeth could care less. This isn't about politics and who's right and who's wrong, it's about a supposed friendship and someone asking a direct question and the supposed friend totally skirting the issue. I certainly wouldn't want that stupid little vaporhead for a friend. Anybody would be better than her... It will be interesting to watch and see how her perfect little world plays out in the next decade...

Maybe you don't agree with me. Just watch the clip and form your own opinions. You can watch by clicking HERE.

Okay, I'm finished with anything to do with political leanings. I'm back to my silly nonsense from now on, but sometimes, not often, but occasionally I do get my back up. And boy did this woman get my back up!!!!!!

Remember......

When you were a kid, zipping around the neighborhood on your bike. Ang visited today with her Sam, who is a very grown up fourteen now, and just happens to be the CUTEST, SWEETEST, MOST UNASSUMING, ADORABLE teenager I've ever seen, for real she is! I asked if she ever rode her bike and she shot me this look as if to say, "You've got to be kidding!" "Ahhhh," I said, "it's nerdy, huh?"

Its the times, life changes, kids are too sophisticated today. Hubby and I were tooling around in Milly yesterday, laughing at how golf carts remind us of bicycles without the peddling. Going downhill, the wind blowing in your face, you just can't beat it. That's one of the joys about getting old. I'm sure we look "nerdy," riding around on that golf cart with the M&M's, but who cares... It's a wonderful thing, to not really care what people think. One of the "few" perks we get as we age...

I just bet if Sam got on her bike and rode it down "The Hill", this huge old hill in Enfield that is really, really steep and just goes on for-ever, that she would have a big smile on her face. She would go really fast, the wind would be in her face, and she would experience pure joy and a giddy sense of freedom and excitement. It would be a good thing....

And how do I know this? It's because I, too, grew up in Enfield, and I bicycled down that old hill a gadzillion times when I was fourteen, and it WAS a good thing, actually it was friggin' AWESOME!!!

Let's talk....

Ryan has been here for a couple of days, leaving tomorrow for Chicago for a round of meetings. Lindsay is in Seattle visiting her family, LC was working tonight, and Ryan grilled. We actually fired up the charcoal grill, so much better than gas, just a bit more trouble.

Anyhoo, I've talked before about his grilled salad, but if you haven't tried it, make it this summer. Trust me, it's awesome. So easy, too. Just take a head of romaine lettuce, slice it in the middle vertically, LEAVING THE STALK INTACT SO IT WON'T FALL APART. Then you drizzle it with olive oil, salt, pepper, grill it on one side until it starts to char, flip it, and grill the other side. Then drizzle it with balsalmic vinegar, and a squeeze of lemon if that appeals to you, and it's WONDERFUL!!!!!!!

He grilled steaks for LC and himself, fresh salmon for me, sprinkled with dill and lemon juice, and a pan of grilled zucchini/summer squash/peppers/onions, drizzled with olive oil, and grilled in a pan with holes in the bottom until it all carmelized. Oh, it was an amazing meal, just amazing.

I'm just full of jokes today... another great one...

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear beloved pets:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Janet sent me this...

I think I've published it before, but it's so funny it's worth repeating...

World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me"? The girl
said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank
martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
had a closet full of shoes and handbags, and was never farted on.

The End

They are so special....

Just had to share Mother's Day pictures of my family from yesterday. I'm so blessed... And yep, they were dancing on the patio... It's those simple things, girlfriends...

It was a great Mother's Day....

I had a great Mother's Day, hope you all did as well. Ryan and Lindsay were here for the weekend, John and Tonia SURPRISED ME this morning, I didn't think they were going to be able to make it, as they had major yard work this weekend, but they got a lot of it done yesterday and drove in for the day. We relaxed, grilled on the patio, the weather was perfect, LC was home early from work, the M&M's were freshly bathed, life was really good for me today.

And I have to tell you about Georgia Rule last night. Does Georgia really rule???? Well, I, who of course have no taste in movies, loved it. You see, I have such a different take on movies, while most people go for the plot, the storyline, and quality acting, not me. I go because I like a certain actress and I want to see how she's aging, what the women are wearing, their hairstyles, their jewelry, and most of all what the houses look like. I know, it's shallow, but that's what I like.

Sooo, LC was working last night, Ryan and Lindsay and I went to see Georgia Rule. Neither of them wanted to see it, but they humored me because it was Mother's Day weekend. OMG, they just hated it, and I have to admit the acting was really schmarmy, and the storyline was unbelievably hokey, but hey, I was raised on movies like Tammy and Beach Blanket Bingo, and then went on to be a huge fan of flicks like Smokey and the Bandit, so this wasn't a stretch for me. And they had some really cute clothes and jewelry, but poor Jane Fonda, she is so weathered and so skinny that in some of the scenes she looked like a skeleton. She did have a couple of cute tshirts though. *grin*

I'm outta here, time for a hot bath and bed. Cya round the water cooler... Oh, oh, hair update... After several washings with Tide and Dawn, it's now faded to a more natural honey red toned color. It's not scary bad anymore, thank goodness, I may even leave it this way for a bit. Or I may not, I'm so fickle, who knows....

Well this is the STUPIDEST thing I think I've ever done....

Now I've done some pretty lamebrain things in my time, but I'm hot kidding, this tops them all!! I was reading online about haircolor, and people were talking about ColorSilk Strawberry Blonde, they LO-V-E-D it, and since I come from a family of redheads I've been toying for years with the idea of a soft red. So I decided that it's now or never. Trust me, I shoulda chosen NEVER!!! Holy Batman and Robin, I colored it yesterday and it is the most gawdawful color you've ever seen. I look like CarrotTop! Oh it's BAD, BAD, BAD, ladies. At first, it didn't look too bad, but it seemed the later in the day it got, the redder it got. It was totally copper in the back - LC said it was wayyy redder than his ever was.

So I put in a quick S.O.S. to my hairdresser, she said to wash it in Dawn or wash it in Tide. Well, yesterday I washed it in Dawn, it faded it a bit, and this morning I washed it in Tide. I'm going to wash it again later in the day. She said I had to get it faded quite a bit before I put blonde on it, so I guess I'm stuck for awhile. I just won't leave the house, that's what I'll do...

Now if I was in my younger years, I would be in a TOTAL panic!!! But at my age, it's like, "Oh what the hell".... I'm gonna put some fake and bake on, maybe the tan will offset the red...

The color is so bad, I won't even a post a picture of myself - OH, WHATEVER WAS I THINKING?????

My friend, Cindy, sent me this - had to share!!!!

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.
Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him
and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long
on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old,
3
years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
chapstick.
LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So
finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick
and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it
right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and
try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two
boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse
my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is
a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to
honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am
looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the
corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my
chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into
my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is
right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack
didn't seem to mind.
And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.
And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us
that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little
creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been
using your chapstick on the cat's butt.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Old women shouldn't wear swimsuits....

That darned Hooterville was making fun of those swimsuits (read her comment on the swimsuit post below). Well, I wouldn't wear one either, in fact, I don't know why I even posted that stupid entry. Had a huge brain f*rt I guess. They are pretty ugly. And speaking of clothes this brings me to something I've been meaning to tell you all about for weeks now.

Tummy Tuck jeans. I read about them in MORE Magazine - they are supposed to make you look like you are wearing a size smaller jeans. Well Jeez Louise, what a crock that was!

I was in Nashville a few weeks ago shopping with my Dillys, and Tonia had already scouted out those jeans, except I don't know why cause her tummy is flat as a board, but anyhoo, I grabbed them, didn't even look at the $85 pricetag - hey if they look good and make you look a size smaller, who cares how much they cost. So I'm off to the dressing room, put them on and started laughing. They have wide band of something that crisscrosses around your stomach that holds you in, it's probably 3-4 inches wide, and all it does is shove the fat above it and below it. And it HURTS! It's painful having that tight band around your tummy. So much for that. I guess if you were a size 6 it would be okay, but it's back to Ralph Lauren Saturday Jeans for me, they always seem to fit really well.

Here is their website if you want to check them out - they look actually great, but if you buy them and they don't work "told ya so!"

Just a little input....

If I have any plus-size readers that heaven forbid have to buy a bathing suit, there are lots to choose from here. Thank goodness those days are behind me, I shudder at the thought of suiting up...

Anyhoo, some of the styles posted here are pretty darned cute, actually! No, not for girls my Dilly's ages, don't even bother clicking the link, you will hate everything, I'm talking OLDER women who don't have it to flaunt anymore, or have TOO much to flaunt...

Check out these styles, old women *tehehehe*

I doubt that ANYBODY feels sorry for Paris Hilton...

I was actually gleeful when this verdict was handed down. Do I feel bad about the fact that I relish the idea of her going to prison. Nope, I sure don't. This overpriviledged, self-indulgent, obnoxious little "princess" got what she deserved. Pampered her entire life, oblivious to the feelings of other people, she "thought" she was above the law. She not only ignored the fact that her license was revolked and drove drunk anyway, she blew off court ordered alcohol classes AND had the audacity to show up late for her hearing yesterday! How STUPID is that!!! Well she sure got put in her place.

I will NEVER forget seeing her on television, talking to two less attractive girls. And saying in that whiney little voice, "don't be jealous." Meaning, don't be jealous of ME! Well I guess they aren't jealous NOW! Oh, that p*ssed me off when she said that, I was thinking, you stupid, STUPID, little vaporhead, who do you think you are? She's gonna be a prison beotch, that's what she's gonna be!!!!!!!! Oh those prison bull dykes are gonna love her!!! Talk about a Kodak moment!!! Excuse my profanity laced rant girlfriends, but sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is!

I thought the following article was an interesting read...

Reprinted from TMZ blogsite -

Reopened in March, 2006, CRDF is located in beautiful Lynwood,Calif. -- just minutes from nearby Compton! While Mr. Chow takeout isn't available, according to the AP, CRDF does serve three low-sodium poultry based meals a day. Yum! For her own safety, Paris will most likely be segregated from the rest of her prison pals and live in a one or two-person cell. Cozy. During her days at Chez Clink, Paris will get just one hour a day to shower, exercise, watch TV or talk on the phone. And sorry to say, Blackberries are not allowed. Oh, the humanity!

As for wardrobe choices, Paris will have the option of one of four different colored jumpsuits. Depending on how she is classified and where she is housed in the facility, Paris could don a blue, brown, white or classic orange one-piece from the House of Detention collection.

Paris better get crackin', because with June 5 fast approaching, it gives her just one month to plan her kick-ass going away party!

37 Looks SO OOO good on you, Girlfriend!!!!!!!

Thanks to MoJackson, Kathryn Balint and Kel Sauvage for the great elements used in making this graphic.

Just another day in the life....

I'm the world's worst at remembering birthdays. I remember the month, just not the day. So, naturally I'm texting Ang last week asking her which day her birthday is. I remembered first week in May but not the date. Amazing, huh, since I've only been friends with her, like FOREVER!!! So she texts me back May 2nd, and I write it on my calendar reminder.

I get up this morning at 6:30 am, bake her a cake, have it iced by 7:30, kitchen cleaned up and I'm calling her at 8:AM, singing her Happy Birthday! After I get the the whole little ditty sang, ya, it was offkey, anyway she starts laughing and says that her birthday isn't until Friday. ...FRIDAY, HELLOOOOOO. I could have sworn she said it was the 2nd, not the 5th. Holy Crap I did it again! I must have read that text message with my glasses off!

Naturally LC wanted me to let him eat the cake and bake Ang another one Friday. In his dreams. IN-HIS-DREAMS!!!

It just goes from bad to worse....

According to the gossip rags, guess who is the frontrunner to replace Rosie on The View??? Rosanne Barr! Now that should really bring some class to the show. Egads, girlfriends, this will turn it into a Jerry Springer wannabee. They also said Elizabeth Ditzelbeck is 3 months preggers and they will announce it this morning.

For you...

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, bec ause this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Oh, well now this just makes my day...

Television therapist Dr. Phil McGraw revealed that Alec Baldwin had called him for advice on Thursday and that the two had a "far-reaching, intense conversation" about the actor's daughter and his former spouse.

Boy, the bloviator is really desperate. He's calling Dr. Phil. I actually sat here and laughed out loud. Dr. Phil is about as pathetic as Alec Baldwin. Hmmmmmmm, as Dr. Phil would say, "What's your PAYOFF Baldwin?" Public sympathy? Good luck with that, dude... Not from this corner of my little world. Stupid moron....

A must see....

Marti went to a ladies luncheon yesterday and had an amazing Artichoke and Shrimp Casserole. I posted the recipe on Jan Can Cook. More recipes to come from her regarding this luncheon. It was a HUGE success.... I'll post the whole menu for you when she gives it to me.

Check it out here!

I'm crossing her off my list...

In an earlier post today I was talking about Rosie O'Donnell's video blog being funny. This was before I read about a luncheon yesterday where she delivered an x-rated monologue in front of teenage girls and well respected women.. That was just so wrong in my opinion, tasteless and totally hypocritical because she is always trying to "protect" the children. Sorry Ro, I'm cancelling you out, you're off my list. No more positive press about her from this Heavensville blogger....

That Chris is a Whiz with the Sciz....

My hats definitely off to Maggie's new groomer, to be known from this day forward as Auntie Chris. This wonder woman somehow managed to get Maggie's mats out, thin her coat, and shave her underbelly, all the while making her look EXACTLY like she did before minus all the bulk and fuzz. And yep, these pictures were taken this afternoon, after she was groomed. Needless to say, hubby was THRILLED 'cause he doesn't like buzzed Yorkies. He's a man, of course he likes long hair, even on a dog, what can I say...




My Mags was a brave little soldier. Chris said she could have cared less that she was being groomed, she looked out the window, watched the other dogs and let her do what needed to be done. What a sport, my Maggie Moo.

A big thanks to everybody down at the Butler Centre, those women are all so nice to my sweet little furbaby.

What I'm enjoying lately...

Okay ladies, time to roll out the "What's Jan Enjoying" blog.

Here's what interests me this spring. Oh, all of this stuff is hyperlinked, so you can check it out fast!

I continue to be a gossip mongrel. I make no apologies. I read People, TMZ, Perez Hilton, The Superficial and A Socialite's Life daily. Well, Janet Charlton, too, and others, but I won't get carried away. I'm way too old for this stuff, but I blame it on being brought up in the drug store where Mother worked and reading all those Photoplays and other "movie star" magazines.

I'm really getting into Google Reader. It took me awhile, even though Hooterville kept telling me how great it was, but then isn't everything Google does great?

I'm thoroughly enjoying Rosie's O'Donnell's daily video blogs. Scroll midway down the page of her site and check out her Monday Monday entry. Helene, her hairdresser is my fave.

I continue to be a dedicated scrapper. I'm not making a lot of pages these days, I'm more addicted to BUYING the stupid kits. It's a dollar here, $2.50 there, and before you know it, you're up to $20.00. Oh well, gotta spend it on something.

I still watch Y&R, actually I KIVO it, KI-VO, that's because I don't have TI-VO, I have KI-VO (I record it on my computer and watch a week at a time, well technically I guess thats CI-VO, you get the picture). The acting has gotten really bad lately, REALLY BAD, and now it's almost summer so they will be rolling out the teenyboppers to try and boost the summer ratings. Can't wait for that. :-( The spoof of this show, called the Genoa City News is an absolute hoot. If you like parodies, this one is a must read.

I'm really, REALLY enjoying Perfect Light Desserts by Nick Malgieri, and David Joachim. Everything I've made has been a hit. Fantastic cookbook, just fantastic. I just ordered The Perfect Scoop, an ice cream cookbook. I've gotta get some use out of that spendy Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker I bought a couple of summers ago. I get teased a lot by the family cause it just sits on the shelf.

I also bought a new kitchen chopper from Williams-Sonoma. I had their first version, this one is new and improved, love the fact that it makes perfect small dice and now it's self contained so it doesn't make a mess. It's a great gadget, one of my all-time faves!

And that's some of what I'm up to. What about all of you, what are you enjoying. The comment section of my blog is seldom used, but this is a great opportunity to click on it, send me a comment about what you are liking or hating, depending on your mood. Love that audience participation.

I also have several blogs that I read daily, mostly food ones. I can tell you about them, too, but that's another entry. I'm just killing time this morning, waiting to pick up my poor little Maggie from the groomer.

I'm so outta here....

Tomorrow's the day....

My poor little nappy headed Maggie is going for her first haircut. Her snarls and mats are out of control, and I'm afraid they are going to have to shear her. Pray for her, it isn't going to be pretty.

Oh, boy did Nisha do it this time....

First of all, I want you all to know that I have Nisha's permission to publish this about her. I would NEVER tell stories on my friends that would embarrass them without their permission. However, Nisha is the only person, other than myself, who sticks her foot in it on a regular basis. Well that's not entirely correct, both V and Trish manage to do this with some frequency as well. But Nish tops us all, she has gotten herself into more situations that you can ever imagine.

Now I need to tell you all that she is also a world class accessorizer. Always has been, the woman is really good at putting stuff together. And at an age when the rest of us have pretty much given up and wear what's comfy, Nisha is still out there working it with the best of them.

Okay, so now you get the picture. Last week, Nisha and Charlie were on a vacation in Hawaii, on a private island owned by Dole Corporation, it was quite the big deal. She called me several times, and it just sounded heavenly. The last night of her trip was a dinner sponsored by Dole and Charlie got some kind of fancy schmancy award, so they were REALLY visible.

Nish had put together one of her best outfits ever. White flouncy skirt, black tank, black and white polka dotted cardigan, wedge polka dotted sandals, and a black purse with yet another polka dotted bow and some kind of long black stoned necklace. She got rave reviews. Everyone loved he outfit, even the bigwig putting on the party told her how great she looked. Now this is pretty heady stuff for anybody, let alone a woman of a certain age, it was quite the compliment and Nisha was feeling pretty proud of herself.

She has been famous her whole life amongst her friends for her notoriously tiny bladder. So, naturally she gets up, walks aross the room in front of all those people to go potty and then comes back and when she almost gets to her seat, a woman gets up and whispers in her ear, "excuse me, but you have the back of your skirt tucked inside your underwear." OMG, can you imagine, strolling in front of all those people with your skirt tucked in your underwear. Of course, Nisha, seeing the humor in this has us both doubled over howling with laughter. And having been married 36 or 37 years, she's a pretty smart lady by now and of course didn't tell Charlie about it. So he was, and still is, clueless that his wife was parading around in front of all those corporate type honchos and their wives with her skirt hiked up in her underwear.

But wait, I'm not finished yet, yesterday when they were at the airport, she was trying to lift a piece of her luggage, tripped over it and went sprawling on the concrete, took a really hard fall, fell right on her kneecap and caused herself major pain. And yes, she did it in front of everybody, she is never lucky enough to do this stuff when nobody is looking.

The airport personnel, came running over, naturally afraid they would get sued, gave her an ice pack, and she's been nursing the kneecap ever since. One of the ladies traveling with her was afraid she would have broken her nose the way she fell and her luggage landed right on top of her.

Oh my, girlfriends, I could write a book about her. She's just a total joy, my friend Nisha. She makes me smile. And I just bet she made you smile too, tonight, reading this.

This is such a pet peeve of mine...

It absolutely frosts my cake when I'm out and about and people don't speak English. There is nothing ruder than people, in your presence, speaking another language that you can't understand.

Not long ago, hubby and I went thru the drive-thru at Fazoli's, and the hispanic teenager that was working the drive-thru window couldn't speak English. And he's working the friggin window! It was so annoying! And heaven help if you go to a Mexican restaurant and don't order EXACTLY off the menu. So many times if you ask your waiter a question, he looks at you like, huh, whatchutalkinaboutwillis???

And my biggest pet peeve of all is when I go to the grocery store and the food has Spanish labels on it. Oh, I put it back every time. It's SO wrong. And don't even get me started on those horrid automated menu's you get when you dial a business and they ask you if you want English or Spanish. It's bad enough that you have to spend fifteen minutes just trying to get to a REAL person, but when they want to know the language that's just the last straw! I used to have great success just punching '0' to get a real person, but they've cought on to that, most of the time now when you punch '0' the computer says it doesn't understand. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Cmon people, this is America - if you're going to live here, then learn to speak the language!

I just saw red...

As my regular readers to this blog know, I absolutely loathe Alec Bloviator Baldwin. I've ranted about this control freak of a man for years now and yesterday when I clicked on TMZ to see what the latest gossip was and heard his tirade against his young daughter I just absolutely saw RED. My blood was absolutely boiling as I fired off an email pronto to Hooterville and V, who both think he is as despicable as I do.

And now, on his website, he has apologized to EVERYONE. He doesn't need to apologize to EVERYONE, EVERYONE could care less about his sorry life, he needs to apologize to this young girl. This whole ongoing battle is not about his daughter in the first place. It is a male that was rejected by his wife, who no longer has any control over her and he can't handle it. I remember back in the day when they were dating, and he went to a psychologist because he was so in love with her that it had turned into an obsession and he couldn't function. Does this sound normal? That poor woman should have realized back then that the warning bells were going off and she should have gotten out then.

The critics of Kim Basinger need to step back and think what this woman must have endured at the hands of this man while she was married to him. She should not be criticized for trying to protect her daughter. She should be admired for having the strength to get away from him and the ability to fight for the well being of her child.

A child of divorce instinctively gravitates to the parent that is good to them, and rejects the one that is not. He says that he is a victim of alienation (when one parent turns the child against the other) and that he is writing a a book about it. A BOOK!!! He is trying to turn a profit out of his sorry excuse of a life. This woman protects her child because she knows what he is capable of. And now all of the world knows how vicious he can be, and no matter how much he whines and tries to excuse himself, the truth is out.

Now he and his high powered attorneys have gotten a court order to find out how TMZ got that tape in the first place. He's trying to redirect the blame once again away from his sorry ass to his wife, saying it's her fault this was leaked. HER FAULT, WHAT A FRIGGIN IDIOT HE IS! Somehow, I think this time, he will fail.

Everybody now knows HIM for the abuser HE is. Imagine a loving father calling his little girl a pig, I think NOT. Oh that nappy chested sorry excuse for a man should be banished from this child's life until she is old enough to decide whether or not she wants him in it.

And if you have been under a rock for the last twenty-four hours and haven't heard his tirade, you can listen to it by clicking here.

Do you ever wonder why?

I have all these posts about Maggie, and almost none about Munchie? Sweet Munchie is old now, she doesn't have many antics, she mostly just sleeps and bangs on her food bowl when it's empty. However, life is so different with a pup in the house.

Just this morning I was talking to V on the phone, Maggie was asleep in one of her favorite spots, the back of the couch, and all of a sudden there was this CRASH! A plate that was sitting on a stand on a table next to the sofa flew thru the air, landed on the fireplace hearth and smashed into bits. I got up, went in the living room, there was poor Mags, laying on the table in kind of a stupor, she had fallen off the sofa in her sleep and knocked the plate off. She's such a lightweight that she doesn't hurt herself, thank goodness.

Munchie wouldn't do this kind of thing, Munch couldn't even jump on the sofa. We call her our little budha dog, she's a little round furlady, now.

And so I blog about Maggie, who is just HILARIOUS. Munchie used to be this silly, too, but I didn't blog when she was just a young dog. Munch is sleeping on my lap as I write this, Maggie is staying away from the mean 'ole sofa, but now she's eyeing up the back of the chair....

It's initiated now...

I've been eyeing up Wacom Tablets ever since I started scrapbooking. My buddy V got one for Christmas, so she guided me in the right direction when I decided to buy one.

It arrived, bright shiny and new from Amazon.com last week, and I am really loving it. For those of you not familiar with a Wacom Tablet - it's this electronic tablet with a cordless pen, and you draw on it, and when you are in a software program like PhotoShop or Corel Draw, you can use it to draw on your computer screen. Or you can just use the pen instead of your mouse while surfing around on the internet.

Yeah, I know you're thinking, is Jan artsy, I never knew she could draw... Nope, I'm not artsy at all, for now, I'm just enjoying using it for my scrapbooking, cleaning up my backgrounds, erasing stray pixels, but who knows where it will lead.

And of course Maggie has already given it her stamp of approval. I have two little teeth marks embedded on the pen. Little imp sleeps on my computer desk, and she grabbed that pen straight away and chomped down on it. Was I upset, of course not -that pen looks so cute with those little Yorkie teeth imprints on it.

I do need to be careful though, Mags lives to chew on inkpens and eyeglasses.

If you want to check out that Wacom, you can do so by clicking HERE...