Male Vs. Female at the ATM Machine

My neighbor, Larry Lawrence sent me this today.  It is so funny, and unfortunately, a lot of it is so true…

~ jan

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

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MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

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FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

Necessity is the mother of invention…

I decided my windowbox looked a little lean on both ends, so i trekked off to Lowes in search of a bit of filler.  I bought a box of pink begonias, came home, and realized that water was standing behind the windowbox where I needed to walk to plant.  We’ve had heavy rains for days now in Heavensville, the ground is really saturated.

So, not wanting to go inside and change shoes, I tied grocery bags around my shoes and trudged into the water and planted the fleurs.  Yeah, it worked, I looked silly, but what the hey….

A Saturday morning giggle, something we all can relate to…

Must see movie, coming this summer, Julie & Julia...

Incredible story, makes you think how smart animals really are…

Carlene sent me this, I had to share in case you haven’t seen it. ;o)

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University ..  On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.  He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant’s foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Burton Hillis, do you remember him?

I was looking thru a Better Homes and Gardens from the 60’s, and there was The Man Next Door by Burton Hillis.  Oh my, did that stir memories. 

Judy, Rosemary, Grandpa Hillis, his wife Christine.  I loved to read about them every month.  His real name was William Vaughan, he wrote under the pseudonym Burton Hillis, He was  so folksy and funny,  I enjoyed his columns so much.

I hadn’t thought about him for years.  He died in 1977 at the age of 61 of lung cancer…

Here are some of  his quotes -  

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."

“I'm not convinced that the world is in any worse shape than it ever was. It's just that in this age of almost instantaneous communication, we bear the weight of problems our forefathers only read about after they were solved.”

“Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.”

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”

And my favorite -

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”

Gardening, this is what I've been doing this week...

 

 

 

Is the internet going to run out of bandwidth?

Oh joy, not only do we have to worry about global warming and swine flu, now reports are saying that the internet could run out of bandwidth in the coming years, resulting in sluggish surfing and brownouts.

Heaven forbid, what would we do with our lives if that happened?  In a few short years, this little machine has completely revolutionized the way we communicate, I can’t imagine life without a computer. 

If you’re interested in reading more about this, here’s the link.

~ jan

Unexpected pleasures….

I awoke to rain again in Heavensville.  I planned to do a lot of computer work, but Trish and I decided to go to Compton’s Greenhouse, that’s three trips to the greenhouse for me in the last three days. 

We then stopped by V’s in New Harmony, took a quick tour of the village on her golf cart, ended up eating lunch out, great company, horrible food.

Now  I’m home, smooth jazz is playing, the window is open, the birds are singing, and the breeze is amazing.  A totally unplanned day, sometimes those are the very best of all…

Planting, probably in the rain….

Yesterday was fleur day.  Hubby and I picked up V and went to the greenhouse.  It’s really hard to buy flowers, I want them all, and I don’t have room for everything.  I always have pots crammed with fleurs everywhere on the patio, every year I say I’m cutting back and then I don’t. Those plants are so much more enticing in the greenhouse than they are mid-July when it’s hot and I’m tired of watering.

But buy I did, and today I plant.  But that’s after a visit to the dentist this morning, which I’m dreading like a toothache.  No pun intended….

I’ll be back, hopefully with some pictures for you.  There is nothing like warm spring days, it’s glorious right now in Heavensville.  The fur kids don’t want to come inside, they are loving spring, too…

Okay, I’m outta here, gotta put on my big girl panties and open my mouth wide.  *huge sigh heard around the world*

Busy, busy, busy...

I have so much catching up to do.  I have recipes and pictures to share, but it's late and I'm going to bed.  It was a perfect day.  Ryan and Lindsay were here, we spent most of the day outdoors, went to lunch, it was such a good time.

Tomorrow, I'm off to the greenhouse to buy pretty fleurs.  Life is good, I'll be back soon.

~ jan

I’m in the kitchen, today…

Ryan and Lindsay are coming for dinner, so it’s meatloaf for the guys, and salsa chicken and brown rice for the girls.

I just finished making a lemon vinaigrette from a recipe I posted on Jan Can Cook for Apple Pear salad.  Does a tossed salad with lemon dressing go with Mexican?  Probably not, but we both adore lemon,and after making this dressing, I once again question why I ever buy dressing from the market.  It just takes five minutes to whip up an amazing concoction, for a fraction of what you pay in the grocery.  I did a few alterations on the dressing, as Dilly is more of a tart than sweet girl, I’ll post the recipe later for you on Jan Can Cook.

I’m also making Roni’s healthy lemon poppyseed muffins for breakfast in the morning.  I made an applesauce muffin recipe from SparkPeople last week, I’ve eaten them for days,  they’re so good, full of whole wheat and flax seed meal, good stuff, and only 2 points.  I’ve got pictures, I need to get that posted as well.

It’s so pretty, and there are fleurs to plant on the patio, it’s hard to stay inside on the computer.

Enjoy this pretty day, I’ll be back later with an update.