Well this is the STUPIDEST thing I think I've ever done....

Now I've done some pretty lamebrain things in my time, but I'm hot kidding, this tops them all!! I was reading online about haircolor, and people were talking about ColorSilk Strawberry Blonde, they LO-V-E-D it, and since I come from a family of redheads I've been toying for years with the idea of a soft red. So I decided that it's now or never. Trust me, I shoulda chosen NEVER!!! Holy Batman and Robin, I colored it yesterday and it is the most gawdawful color you've ever seen. I look like CarrotTop! Oh it's BAD, BAD, BAD, ladies. At first, it didn't look too bad, but it seemed the later in the day it got, the redder it got. It was totally copper in the back - LC said it was wayyy redder than his ever was.

So I put in a quick S.O.S. to my hairdresser, she said to wash it in Dawn or wash it in Tide. Well, yesterday I washed it in Dawn, it faded it a bit, and this morning I washed it in Tide. I'm going to wash it again later in the day. She said I had to get it faded quite a bit before I put blonde on it, so I guess I'm stuck for awhile. I just won't leave the house, that's what I'll do...

Now if I was in my younger years, I would be in a TOTAL panic!!! But at my age, it's like, "Oh what the hell".... I'm gonna put some fake and bake on, maybe the tan will offset the red...

The color is so bad, I won't even a post a picture of myself - OH, WHATEVER WAS I THINKING?????

My friend, Cindy, sent me this - had to share!!!!

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.
Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him
and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long
on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old,
3
years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
chapstick.
LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So
finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick
and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it
right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and
try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two
boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse
my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is
a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to
honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am
looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the
corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my
chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into
my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is
right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack
didn't seem to mind.
And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.
And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us
that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little
creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been
using your chapstick on the cat's butt.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Old women shouldn't wear swimsuits....

That darned Hooterville was making fun of those swimsuits (read her comment on the swimsuit post below). Well, I wouldn't wear one either, in fact, I don't know why I even posted that stupid entry. Had a huge brain f*rt I guess. They are pretty ugly. And speaking of clothes this brings me to something I've been meaning to tell you all about for weeks now.

Tummy Tuck jeans. I read about them in MORE Magazine - they are supposed to make you look like you are wearing a size smaller jeans. Well Jeez Louise, what a crock that was!

I was in Nashville a few weeks ago shopping with my Dillys, and Tonia had already scouted out those jeans, except I don't know why cause her tummy is flat as a board, but anyhoo, I grabbed them, didn't even look at the $85 pricetag - hey if they look good and make you look a size smaller, who cares how much they cost. So I'm off to the dressing room, put them on and started laughing. They have wide band of something that crisscrosses around your stomach that holds you in, it's probably 3-4 inches wide, and all it does is shove the fat above it and below it. And it HURTS! It's painful having that tight band around your tummy. So much for that. I guess if you were a size 6 it would be okay, but it's back to Ralph Lauren Saturday Jeans for me, they always seem to fit really well.

Here is their website if you want to check them out - they look actually great, but if you buy them and they don't work "told ya so!"

Just a little input....

If I have any plus-size readers that heaven forbid have to buy a bathing suit, there are lots to choose from here. Thank goodness those days are behind me, I shudder at the thought of suiting up...

Anyhoo, some of the styles posted here are pretty darned cute, actually! No, not for girls my Dilly's ages, don't even bother clicking the link, you will hate everything, I'm talking OLDER women who don't have it to flaunt anymore, or have TOO much to flaunt...

Check out these styles, old women *tehehehe*

I doubt that ANYBODY feels sorry for Paris Hilton...

I was actually gleeful when this verdict was handed down. Do I feel bad about the fact that I relish the idea of her going to prison. Nope, I sure don't. This overpriviledged, self-indulgent, obnoxious little "princess" got what she deserved. Pampered her entire life, oblivious to the feelings of other people, she "thought" she was above the law. She not only ignored the fact that her license was revolked and drove drunk anyway, she blew off court ordered alcohol classes AND had the audacity to show up late for her hearing yesterday! How STUPID is that!!! Well she sure got put in her place.

I will NEVER forget seeing her on television, talking to two less attractive girls. And saying in that whiney little voice, "don't be jealous." Meaning, don't be jealous of ME! Well I guess they aren't jealous NOW! Oh, that p*ssed me off when she said that, I was thinking, you stupid, STUPID, little vaporhead, who do you think you are? She's gonna be a prison beotch, that's what she's gonna be!!!!!!!! Oh those prison bull dykes are gonna love her!!! Talk about a Kodak moment!!! Excuse my profanity laced rant girlfriends, but sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is!

I thought the following article was an interesting read...

Reprinted from TMZ blogsite -

Reopened in March, 2006, CRDF is located in beautiful Lynwood,Calif. -- just minutes from nearby Compton! While Mr. Chow takeout isn't available, according to the AP, CRDF does serve three low-sodium poultry based meals a day. Yum! For her own safety, Paris will most likely be segregated from the rest of her prison pals and live in a one or two-person cell. Cozy. During her days at Chez Clink, Paris will get just one hour a day to shower, exercise, watch TV or talk on the phone. And sorry to say, Blackberries are not allowed. Oh, the humanity!

As for wardrobe choices, Paris will have the option of one of four different colored jumpsuits. Depending on how she is classified and where she is housed in the facility, Paris could don a blue, brown, white or classic orange one-piece from the House of Detention collection.

Paris better get crackin', because with June 5 fast approaching, it gives her just one month to plan her kick-ass going away party!

37 Looks SO OOO good on you, Girlfriend!!!!!!!

Thanks to MoJackson, Kathryn Balint and Kel Sauvage for the great elements used in making this graphic.

Just another day in the life....

I'm the world's worst at remembering birthdays. I remember the month, just not the day. So, naturally I'm texting Ang last week asking her which day her birthday is. I remembered first week in May but not the date. Amazing, huh, since I've only been friends with her, like FOREVER!!! So she texts me back May 2nd, and I write it on my calendar reminder.

I get up this morning at 6:30 am, bake her a cake, have it iced by 7:30, kitchen cleaned up and I'm calling her at 8:AM, singing her Happy Birthday! After I get the the whole little ditty sang, ya, it was offkey, anyway she starts laughing and says that her birthday isn't until Friday. ...FRIDAY, HELLOOOOOO. I could have sworn she said it was the 2nd, not the 5th. Holy Crap I did it again! I must have read that text message with my glasses off!

Naturally LC wanted me to let him eat the cake and bake Ang another one Friday. In his dreams. IN-HIS-DREAMS!!!

It just goes from bad to worse....

According to the gossip rags, guess who is the frontrunner to replace Rosie on The View??? Rosanne Barr! Now that should really bring some class to the show. Egads, girlfriends, this will turn it into a Jerry Springer wannabee. They also said Elizabeth Ditzelbeck is 3 months preggers and they will announce it this morning.

For you...

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, bec ause this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Oh, well now this just makes my day...

Television therapist Dr. Phil McGraw revealed that Alec Baldwin had called him for advice on Thursday and that the two had a "far-reaching, intense conversation" about the actor's daughter and his former spouse.

Boy, the bloviator is really desperate. He's calling Dr. Phil. I actually sat here and laughed out loud. Dr. Phil is about as pathetic as Alec Baldwin. Hmmmmmmm, as Dr. Phil would say, "What's your PAYOFF Baldwin?" Public sympathy? Good luck with that, dude... Not from this corner of my little world. Stupid moron....

A must see....

Marti went to a ladies luncheon yesterday and had an amazing Artichoke and Shrimp Casserole. I posted the recipe on Jan Can Cook. More recipes to come from her regarding this luncheon. It was a HUGE success.... I'll post the whole menu for you when she gives it to me.

Check it out here!

I'm crossing her off my list...

In an earlier post today I was talking about Rosie O'Donnell's video blog being funny. This was before I read about a luncheon yesterday where she delivered an x-rated monologue in front of teenage girls and well respected women.. That was just so wrong in my opinion, tasteless and totally hypocritical because she is always trying to "protect" the children. Sorry Ro, I'm cancelling you out, you're off my list. No more positive press about her from this Heavensville blogger....

That Chris is a Whiz with the Sciz....

My hats definitely off to Maggie's new groomer, to be known from this day forward as Auntie Chris. This wonder woman somehow managed to get Maggie's mats out, thin her coat, and shave her underbelly, all the while making her look EXACTLY like she did before minus all the bulk and fuzz. And yep, these pictures were taken this afternoon, after she was groomed. Needless to say, hubby was THRILLED 'cause he doesn't like buzzed Yorkies. He's a man, of course he likes long hair, even on a dog, what can I say...




My Mags was a brave little soldier. Chris said she could have cared less that she was being groomed, she looked out the window, watched the other dogs and let her do what needed to be done. What a sport, my Maggie Moo.

A big thanks to everybody down at the Butler Centre, those women are all so nice to my sweet little furbaby.

What I'm enjoying lately...

Okay ladies, time to roll out the "What's Jan Enjoying" blog.

Here's what interests me this spring. Oh, all of this stuff is hyperlinked, so you can check it out fast!

I continue to be a gossip mongrel. I make no apologies. I read People, TMZ, Perez Hilton, The Superficial and A Socialite's Life daily. Well, Janet Charlton, too, and others, but I won't get carried away. I'm way too old for this stuff, but I blame it on being brought up in the drug store where Mother worked and reading all those Photoplays and other "movie star" magazines.

I'm really getting into Google Reader. It took me awhile, even though Hooterville kept telling me how great it was, but then isn't everything Google does great?

I'm thoroughly enjoying Rosie's O'Donnell's daily video blogs. Scroll midway down the page of her site and check out her Monday Monday entry. Helene, her hairdresser is my fave.

I continue to be a dedicated scrapper. I'm not making a lot of pages these days, I'm more addicted to BUYING the stupid kits. It's a dollar here, $2.50 there, and before you know it, you're up to $20.00. Oh well, gotta spend it on something.

I still watch Y&R, actually I KIVO it, KI-VO, that's because I don't have TI-VO, I have KI-VO (I record it on my computer and watch a week at a time, well technically I guess thats CI-VO, you get the picture). The acting has gotten really bad lately, REALLY BAD, and now it's almost summer so they will be rolling out the teenyboppers to try and boost the summer ratings. Can't wait for that. :-( The spoof of this show, called the Genoa City News is an absolute hoot. If you like parodies, this one is a must read.

I'm really, REALLY enjoying Perfect Light Desserts by Nick Malgieri, and David Joachim. Everything I've made has been a hit. Fantastic cookbook, just fantastic. I just ordered The Perfect Scoop, an ice cream cookbook. I've gotta get some use out of that spendy Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker I bought a couple of summers ago. I get teased a lot by the family cause it just sits on the shelf.

I also bought a new kitchen chopper from Williams-Sonoma. I had their first version, this one is new and improved, love the fact that it makes perfect small dice and now it's self contained so it doesn't make a mess. It's a great gadget, one of my all-time faves!

And that's some of what I'm up to. What about all of you, what are you enjoying. The comment section of my blog is seldom used, but this is a great opportunity to click on it, send me a comment about what you are liking or hating, depending on your mood. Love that audience participation.

I also have several blogs that I read daily, mostly food ones. I can tell you about them, too, but that's another entry. I'm just killing time this morning, waiting to pick up my poor little Maggie from the groomer.

I'm so outta here....

Tomorrow's the day....

My poor little nappy headed Maggie is going for her first haircut. Her snarls and mats are out of control, and I'm afraid they are going to have to shear her. Pray for her, it isn't going to be pretty.

Oh, boy did Nisha do it this time....

First of all, I want you all to know that I have Nisha's permission to publish this about her. I would NEVER tell stories on my friends that would embarrass them without their permission. However, Nisha is the only person, other than myself, who sticks her foot in it on a regular basis. Well that's not entirely correct, both V and Trish manage to do this with some frequency as well. But Nish tops us all, she has gotten herself into more situations that you can ever imagine.

Now I need to tell you all that she is also a world class accessorizer. Always has been, the woman is really good at putting stuff together. And at an age when the rest of us have pretty much given up and wear what's comfy, Nisha is still out there working it with the best of them.

Okay, so now you get the picture. Last week, Nisha and Charlie were on a vacation in Hawaii, on a private island owned by Dole Corporation, it was quite the big deal. She called me several times, and it just sounded heavenly. The last night of her trip was a dinner sponsored by Dole and Charlie got some kind of fancy schmancy award, so they were REALLY visible.

Nish had put together one of her best outfits ever. White flouncy skirt, black tank, black and white polka dotted cardigan, wedge polka dotted sandals, and a black purse with yet another polka dotted bow and some kind of long black stoned necklace. She got rave reviews. Everyone loved he outfit, even the bigwig putting on the party told her how great she looked. Now this is pretty heady stuff for anybody, let alone a woman of a certain age, it was quite the compliment and Nisha was feeling pretty proud of herself.

She has been famous her whole life amongst her friends for her notoriously tiny bladder. So, naturally she gets up, walks aross the room in front of all those people to go potty and then comes back and when she almost gets to her seat, a woman gets up and whispers in her ear, "excuse me, but you have the back of your skirt tucked inside your underwear." OMG, can you imagine, strolling in front of all those people with your skirt tucked in your underwear. Of course, Nisha, seeing the humor in this has us both doubled over howling with laughter. And having been married 36 or 37 years, she's a pretty smart lady by now and of course didn't tell Charlie about it. So he was, and still is, clueless that his wife was parading around in front of all those corporate type honchos and their wives with her skirt hiked up in her underwear.

But wait, I'm not finished yet, yesterday when they were at the airport, she was trying to lift a piece of her luggage, tripped over it and went sprawling on the concrete, took a really hard fall, fell right on her kneecap and caused herself major pain. And yes, she did it in front of everybody, she is never lucky enough to do this stuff when nobody is looking.

The airport personnel, came running over, naturally afraid they would get sued, gave her an ice pack, and she's been nursing the kneecap ever since. One of the ladies traveling with her was afraid she would have broken her nose the way she fell and her luggage landed right on top of her.

Oh my, girlfriends, I could write a book about her. She's just a total joy, my friend Nisha. She makes me smile. And I just bet she made you smile too, tonight, reading this.

This is such a pet peeve of mine...

It absolutely frosts my cake when I'm out and about and people don't speak English. There is nothing ruder than people, in your presence, speaking another language that you can't understand.

Not long ago, hubby and I went thru the drive-thru at Fazoli's, and the hispanic teenager that was working the drive-thru window couldn't speak English. And he's working the friggin window! It was so annoying! And heaven help if you go to a Mexican restaurant and don't order EXACTLY off the menu. So many times if you ask your waiter a question, he looks at you like, huh, whatchutalkinaboutwillis???

And my biggest pet peeve of all is when I go to the grocery store and the food has Spanish labels on it. Oh, I put it back every time. It's SO wrong. And don't even get me started on those horrid automated menu's you get when you dial a business and they ask you if you want English or Spanish. It's bad enough that you have to spend fifteen minutes just trying to get to a REAL person, but when they want to know the language that's just the last straw! I used to have great success just punching '0' to get a real person, but they've cought on to that, most of the time now when you punch '0' the computer says it doesn't understand. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Cmon people, this is America - if you're going to live here, then learn to speak the language!

I just saw red...

As my regular readers to this blog know, I absolutely loathe Alec Bloviator Baldwin. I've ranted about this control freak of a man for years now and yesterday when I clicked on TMZ to see what the latest gossip was and heard his tirade against his young daughter I just absolutely saw RED. My blood was absolutely boiling as I fired off an email pronto to Hooterville and V, who both think he is as despicable as I do.

And now, on his website, he has apologized to EVERYONE. He doesn't need to apologize to EVERYONE, EVERYONE could care less about his sorry life, he needs to apologize to this young girl. This whole ongoing battle is not about his daughter in the first place. It is a male that was rejected by his wife, who no longer has any control over her and he can't handle it. I remember back in the day when they were dating, and he went to a psychologist because he was so in love with her that it had turned into an obsession and he couldn't function. Does this sound normal? That poor woman should have realized back then that the warning bells were going off and she should have gotten out then.

The critics of Kim Basinger need to step back and think what this woman must have endured at the hands of this man while she was married to him. She should not be criticized for trying to protect her daughter. She should be admired for having the strength to get away from him and the ability to fight for the well being of her child.

A child of divorce instinctively gravitates to the parent that is good to them, and rejects the one that is not. He says that he is a victim of alienation (when one parent turns the child against the other) and that he is writing a a book about it. A BOOK!!! He is trying to turn a profit out of his sorry excuse of a life. This woman protects her child because she knows what he is capable of. And now all of the world knows how vicious he can be, and no matter how much he whines and tries to excuse himself, the truth is out.

Now he and his high powered attorneys have gotten a court order to find out how TMZ got that tape in the first place. He's trying to redirect the blame once again away from his sorry ass to his wife, saying it's her fault this was leaked. HER FAULT, WHAT A FRIGGIN IDIOT HE IS! Somehow, I think this time, he will fail.

Everybody now knows HIM for the abuser HE is. Imagine a loving father calling his little girl a pig, I think NOT. Oh that nappy chested sorry excuse for a man should be banished from this child's life until she is old enough to decide whether or not she wants him in it.

And if you have been under a rock for the last twenty-four hours and haven't heard his tirade, you can listen to it by clicking here.

Do you ever wonder why?

I have all these posts about Maggie, and almost none about Munchie? Sweet Munchie is old now, she doesn't have many antics, she mostly just sleeps and bangs on her food bowl when it's empty. However, life is so different with a pup in the house.

Just this morning I was talking to V on the phone, Maggie was asleep in one of her favorite spots, the back of the couch, and all of a sudden there was this CRASH! A plate that was sitting on a stand on a table next to the sofa flew thru the air, landed on the fireplace hearth and smashed into bits. I got up, went in the living room, there was poor Mags, laying on the table in kind of a stupor, she had fallen off the sofa in her sleep and knocked the plate off. She's such a lightweight that she doesn't hurt herself, thank goodness.

Munchie wouldn't do this kind of thing, Munch couldn't even jump on the sofa. We call her our little budha dog, she's a little round furlady, now.

And so I blog about Maggie, who is just HILARIOUS. Munchie used to be this silly, too, but I didn't blog when she was just a young dog. Munch is sleeping on my lap as I write this, Maggie is staying away from the mean 'ole sofa, but now she's eyeing up the back of the chair....

It's initiated now...

I've been eyeing up Wacom Tablets ever since I started scrapbooking. My buddy V got one for Christmas, so she guided me in the right direction when I decided to buy one.

It arrived, bright shiny and new from Amazon.com last week, and I am really loving it. For those of you not familiar with a Wacom Tablet - it's this electronic tablet with a cordless pen, and you draw on it, and when you are in a software program like PhotoShop or Corel Draw, you can use it to draw on your computer screen. Or you can just use the pen instead of your mouse while surfing around on the internet.

Yeah, I know you're thinking, is Jan artsy, I never knew she could draw... Nope, I'm not artsy at all, for now, I'm just enjoying using it for my scrapbooking, cleaning up my backgrounds, erasing stray pixels, but who knows where it will lead.

And of course Maggie has already given it her stamp of approval. I have two little teeth marks embedded on the pen. Little imp sleeps on my computer desk, and she grabbed that pen straight away and chomped down on it. Was I upset, of course not -that pen looks so cute with those little Yorkie teeth imprints on it.

I do need to be careful though, Mags lives to chew on inkpens and eyeglasses.

If you want to check out that Wacom, you can do so by clicking HERE...