Not a pleasant thought, but reality….

One of my good friends has a friend that lost her husband last week.  He was only sixty-seven, and died of cancer.  Naturally, we’ve had several conversations about this, and it’s a wakeup call for all of us.

This woman, that lost her husband, was totally taken care of, he did everything for her, which sounds good, but in reality, it isn’t, because now she’s left to pick up the pieces and go on with her life and is clueless as how to do it.  I can write these things about her, because she doesn’t read this blog, and I feel so sorry for her.

We have to face the facts, especially if you, like a lot of us are now sixty or beyond.  If you’re married, or have a significant other, one of you is going to die.  It’s hard to think about and it’s such a reality check to read this, but it’s true.  And the best thing that you can do for your spouse, or they for you, is to achieve independence.

The worst thing that you can do for your partner is to be totally dependent.  So take stock of your life ladies, are there areas that you need to step up to the plate and take charge of?  Whether it be finances, home maintenance, or teaching a spouse to do the laundry or cook a simple meal, take action today.

I’m fortunate to have a husband that is self-sufficient, but so many people I know have spouses that aren’t.  It’s not only the women who have problems when they are left, often the men are in worse shape because they don’t know how to take care of the necessary things in day to day life.

So if your husband doesn’t cook, and doesn’t want to learn, at least make a notebook, giving him instructions on how to do the simple things.  How to do laundry, what to do with your things when you’re gone, how to scramble eggs and make breakfast, how often to water the plants, you get my drift.  Sometimes it’s easier to write these things down than to discuss them with a spouse that isn’t interested.

And in turn, don’t bury your head in the sand.  Be aware of where the insurance policies are, the stocks, the bank accounts.  Know where you stand financially, be able to take care of the checking acount, and  find out how often you service your car, rotate your tires, all these things will be left up to you if you are the one that is left.  There will be furnace filters to change, lawns that will need mowing, smoke detector batteries to be changed, so many things that many of us take for granted, someday we may have to face doing them ourselves, and you will need a plan.

Oh, isn’t this pleasant talk for a sunny Monday morning.  But stop and think about what I’ve written, this past week was an eye opening experience for me.  If I die first, hubby will be able to cope, and thankfully, if I’m the one that’s left, I won’t be that woman who doesn’t know how to take care of myself, and I don’t want you to be either. 

~ jan