Getting serious for a minute....

I've never, as my Mother was always fond of saying, "set the world on fire." I haven't had boundless energy, I've never been one of those people who constantly push themselves to the point of exhaustion, and I've felt horrific guilt because of it. It took getting older and wiser for me to realize that this isn't a conscious decision on my part, but a predispositioned genetic tendency.

It all comes down to discipline. When you have children, and you are working, you have to discipline yourselves, so I did have years that I did push myself. As a child, I didn't, I would much rather lie in the grass, looking up at the clouds than clean my room, or organize my possessions. And as I'm older, it's so easy to "do it tomorrow." My days are spent playing on the computer, cuddling Maggie a gadzillion times a day, talking to my friends on the phone, and when weather permits, Mags and I going to the creek on Milly to sit by the water and just enjoy the quiet. The difference, now that I'm older is that I don't feel the guilt I once did. As I look back on my family tree, I'm so like my father and most of his family. They didn't "set the world on fire" either. They were very easy going people, who laughed a lot, ate a lot and enjoyed being with their families.

Mother's family, however, were totally driven people. Work, work, work, no time to play, you have to work. Were they happy, not particularly, they were too busy pushing themselves to laugh and enjoy their life.

I know there has to be a balance, but I'm not so hard on myself these days. I would much rather enjoy the days of my life than to drive myself relentlessly to do the things that really aren't that important anyway. I'm not a slob, on any given day you could come in my house and I wouldn't panic, it's always orderly, but I wouldn't pass the white glove test. Somehow, it's just a lot more fun to pet my little dog and sit in the garden than it is to chase dust bunnies around the house...