The saying, “Growing Old Isn’t For Sissies” is starting to ring true around here.  I haven’t identified with music, or most television shows for years now, but lately, I don’t feel like I’m in the loop of life either, instead, I’m standing on the sidelines watching the younger generations do all the fun interesting things I used to, but no longer do, and without the energy or desire to do these things if I could.  I’m not depressed, life is going along smoothly, and I’m grateful for the health and well being of those I love, I just don’t like the feeling that I’m  out of synch with the woman I used to be and the woman I am now.

I think that perhaps a lot of my problem stems from the fact that I don’t allow myself to “think” like a woman in her 60’s, that I still “think” like my younger self, but of course I look and act older, and no longer fit the old mold, so that isn’t working for me.  But what should I be doing that’s more age appropriate?  I abhor the thought of going to some Senior Center for lunch, playing cards, listening to people lecture on health care and tax shelters.  I think this behavior is for “old” people, but surprise, I’m old now, too, but I just can’t relate. 

I would never be on a bus to Branson, I detest organized anything, and so I’m floundering, trying to find my niche as a senior citizen, when inside, I haven’t let go of the younger me and accepted my age.  It’s like I’m in transition, but I don’t know what I want to transition to.

Are any of you struggling with this, are you nodding your heads in agreement with what I’m saying?  Is there an answer, or is this just one of those gray areas that has no answers.

So, for now, I’ll continue to do the simple things that give me pleasure, gardening, reading, pets, friends and my sweet family.  I have so much to be grateful for, John and Deanna will be married soon, Abby will be turning two this fall, and LC and I are cohabiting peacefully since his retirement.  So, I’ll count my blessings and maybe I’ll find my stride and some new interests that I can share with all of you.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep on keeping on…

As I look back over my life to moments that were truly memorable, it’s feelings that I remember most.  Not what kind of car we drove, where we lived, where we vacationed, nothing superficial, just those simple things I talk about so often that I remember most.

  • The smell of the earth after a summer rain
  • Hanging clothes on the line to dry on a bright summer morning and the way they smelled of sunshine as I folded and put them away
  • Clean little boys, fresh from their bath, running through the house into my arms. Just inhaling their sweet little boy scent and kissing those soft little cheeks, it was pure magic
  • Crickets and frogs and fireflies on a summer evening
  • Pitchers of sun tea in a big glass jar
  • Mother coming to visit with a bouquet of flowers, sometimes picked along the road
  • The smell of new mown hay as hubby and I took evening rides in the country
  • A pretty sundress, worn with a summer tan
  • Summer days, spent at the lake with the boys and Muffin, our cocker spaniel. Veronica and I, sitting right in the water in our lawn chairs, talking, one eye always on the kids.

I could go on and on, the older I get, the most I reminisce about my younger years.  I appreciate what life gives me more today than when I was younger, wisdom really does come with age…